Last week, on Mother’s Day, I found myself poolside in Las Vegas oddly thankful to be a woman at this exact moment in time. Despite the draft decision of Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito to overturn Roe v. Wade having just been released, l realized, while standing at the Flamingo Hotel pool, that we, as women, have more collective strength now than we have ever had before.
Everywhere I looked I saw women of all ages, shapes, sizes, backgrounds, and ethnicities celebrating not just themselves but other women, too. Together, we passed out compliments, asked about a stranger’s well-being, cared about someone’s story, and encouraged women all around us to enjoy their time away. All day I witnessed women expressing lovely sentiments and genuine praise, and it was nothing short of beautiful.
Not long ago, and certainly within the last 20 years, these same women, gathered around a similar pool, would have judged bikinis and the bodies wearing them, shamed promiscuity and the consumption of too many cocktails, and operated solely on our own insecurities and the blind belief that women are the enemy. Why? I’ll never truly know. But we did and, gradually (and thankfully,) we stopped. We shifted, we evolved, we understood, and we embraced. And now, here we are, supporting each other; defending one another; suspending judgments; throwing away antiquated opinions; and collectively celebrating each of us being free to be you and me.
In the last several years we have become the women your fathers warned you about and we’re proud as hell to have earned the distinction.
Sipping cocktails by the pool that day I thought, I hope you see what’s happening here, Alito. We women are on fire not just poolside but in our everyday lives, and even though you may be able to decide on a national level what’s best for our uteruses, you’ll never be able to take away our shared certainty that neither you nor any man owns any of us. Not a single one.
And it’s this last piece, the part about us waiting, or altogether not having children, that has them the most poised to act right now.
According to the US Census Bureau, women are increasingly choosing to become parents in their 30s and 40s instead of their 20s, with the new median age for first-time births being 30, the highest age on record. While of course fertility issues and individual circumstances may play a part in many instances of women giving birth later in life, it’s also safe to say a lot of us are waiting simply because we can. We have things to do. An education to obtain. Money to make. Adventures to have. An identity to find. A life to live that doesn’t involve finding a man or raising children any earlier than we choose.
It’s with this information top of mind that I imagine Alito and his conservative brethren saying, hold up, hold up, if they’re educated and doing things on their own, not having children and finally supporting one another, what could they possibly do next? Take over the world?
Women’s rights as, you know, human beings, have improved drastically as have our circumstances, our choices, and our ability to make decisions based on what’s best for us as individuals. What better time than now to take away our bodily autonomy? To mediocre men with superiority complexes and not an ounce of accountability for their own penises, reversing Roe v. Wade at this point in time is gold. Pure gold!
Because the leaked draft decision to overturn Roe v. Wade isn’t just about making abortion illegal or a nod to states’ rights like so many conservatives would have you believe. None of what’s happening has anything to do with babies. Not a goddamn thing. If it did, and these “pro-life” champions actually cared AT ALL about the future of American children, women (and their babies) would, at the time of this impending reversal, also have access to free health care, additional parental leave, reduced childcare costs, and additional monetary benefits designed to help instead of shame the families in a position to use them.
Rather, this eventual decision is a gradual war on women, and our uteruses are just the beginning. What we’re dealing with here are anti-choice advocates, not pro-life proponents, who are well-versed at playing the long game. Make no mistake that the control of women’s bodily freedom will quickly evolve into the control over our contraception, our marriages, our families, and our rights as human beings and citizens of the United States of America. And for this, we, as women, have every right to be completely and totally terrified.
But what these anti-choice advocates don’t realize, and what I’m choosing to help me sleep at night, is that women are more prepared now than ever to fight not just for ourselves but for each other. Gone are the days of feminists fighting for equality being pigeonholed into some fringe group burning their bras at twilight. Now, women of all identities are speaking loudly and proudly about equality while collectively celebrating our accomplishments all day long.
So to my fellow women who are and have been panicked, upset, and downright cathartic since Ruth Bader Ginsburg died and especially since this decision was leaked, please know you’re not alone in your fury or your fight. Scores of women, armed with understanding and loud, profanity-infused voices, stand beside you in ways our mothers, grandmothers, and great grandmothers could never have possibly imagined. And, should Roe be overturned, I have no doubt the same support system will exist in above and underground arenas that can and will save the lives of women everywhere.
Be not afraid, my ladies. Your fellow women are here for you now and always.
Title Track: “You Don’t Own Me,” Lesley Gore. Listen here.
