Outstanding

“Outstanding. Girl, you knock me out. Exciting. It makes me wanna shout.”

First, if you don’t know the opening lyrics to this absolute banger by The Gap Band, listen to it now. Second, these same opening lyrics are exactly what this blog post is all about. Girl (yes, you), are outstanding, and you really do knock me out.

For context, the impetus for this blog came over the summer at a concert where my friend, Lindsy, and I noticed a woman in her late 40s with graying short hair in a cute tie-dyed maxi dress swaying lovingly to the music. Both of us commented to one another about how beautiful we thought she was and so, at set break, I told her.

Crouching down next to her on her blanket, I recounted how absolutely stunning I thought she looked. I told her I loved her hair and her dress and, after she didn’t respond for what seemed like a full five minutes, I reassured her that I wasn’t a total psychopath and that I simply thought she should know strangers were saying nice things about her at the show. It was then she gently placed her hand on my wrist, began to cry, and said, “You have no idea how badly I needed to hear those words. Thank you.” She then made me repeat what I said to her husband who gave a knowing smile and said, “See, babe, I told you.” 

Later, Lindsy and I reflected on the experience and concluded that after a certain age women rarely receive compliments, and especially compliments related to their appearance, from people who aren’t their close friends or partners.

Then, after thinking it through a little more, I wondered, even in our 20s and 30s, aside from cat calls, how often are women of my generation ever told we look nice at all? On special occasions? When we lose a noticeable amount of weight? But also, when did women of older generations, like Baby Boomers or the Silent Generation, ever receive a genuine compliment, period? Think about it: the latter demographic is literally referred to as silent, which leads me to believe these women may have been told they looked adequate on their wedding days, and that’s probably as good as it got.

Given our history, perhaps we’re slowly making progress, and Gen Z is making it rain with compliments to one another on the daily. I can only hope. But since this blog is neither written by a member of Gen Z nor for Gen Z, I can only speak to my generation, which is that of late Gen Xers/early Millennials who have been doled out compliments rather sparingly throughout our lifetimes, but who could sincerely stand to hear a few more.

Over the years I have grown to hand out compliments to both strangers and people I love like I do candy on Halloween. For me, the smile a compliment brings to the person on the receiving end is an immediate endorphin rush that gives me genuine joy for at least a full five minutes or until I read an email that makes me want to set myself on fire (truly, my emotions know no middle ground).

My feelings (and inbox) aside, I love to express to others, and especially women, how beautiful, wondrous, admirable, funny, smart, and outstanding they are not because it benefits me or because I expect to receive a compliment in return, but BECAUSE THEY ARE! All around me I see women I know and don’t know absolutely killing it. From outward appearances to professional attributes, women are, as the Gap Band so knowingly said, making me want to shout, and if I don’t tell them, who will? It sure as hell won’t be the Silent Generation, I can tell you that.

A woman of the Silent Generation who deserves to be told she’s so much more than adequate.

Sadly, what I’ve learned from women who I’ve talked to about this topic is that while most of us think about complimenting strangers, colleagues, or dear friends, we often don’t because we fear we are being too intrusive or that our compliments won’t be received as we intended. To those of you who may think this way I say this: Do it anyway. Compliment the dress, the speech, the haircut, the parenting choice, the joke, the handbag, and the email that eloquently calls out a colleague on his bullshit (especially this last one). Do it because you mean it; do it because it will make the person feel good; and do it because it will make you feel good too. In all of my compliment-giving, I have never once felt as though I shouldn’t have said what I said or that my words were meaningless. Because even if they were, the thing I complimented was meaningful to me, and that’s what really “knocks me out.”

Title Track: “Outstanding,” The Gap Band. Listen here.